THEOLOGICAL ENGINEERING EXAM
5 Questions, 60 Minutes
You may use a calculator, the Bible, the Koran, the Torah, and the
Book of Mormon. The speed of light is c. Show all work. For all
problems, assume a perfectly spherical Jesus of constant density
D. No praying during the exam.
- (20 pts.) Bob and Joe are standing on a street corner. God loves
each an equal amount L. Bob then accelerates to
.9c. In Joe's rest frame, how much does God now love Bob?
- Sven, a Catholic, is in a state of grace. He then has sex with
- (8 pts.) What is Sven's atonement coefficient following
the act if the sheep was not willing?
- (12 pts.) What if the sheep, while not technically being willing, could not be said to mind either?
- (20 pts.) Let the eternal, all abiding love of the Holy Spirit be
the xy plane. Let Sue's soul be at (0,0,5) at t = 0 sec., traveling
at 5 m/s in the direction of the positive z axis. Everything is in
Cartesian coordinates bespeaking subscription to a perfectly
Enlightenment attitude towards the Universe. At what time t will
be saved? (Hint: Assume a point soul.)
- (20 pts.) Assume the Rapture occurs at time t. Cornelia, a
human weighing 90 kg, in a state of grace, has her head in the
jaws of an alligator at time t. What mass of meat will remain to the
alligator at time t + 10 sec.?
- Stan is a frictionless, massless Mormon in a rest state. His sin
level for his faith is currently 11 McBeals. He eats .3 kg of pork,
and enjoys it very much. Assume that the Jews are right about,
pretty much everything.
- (10 pts.) What is Stan's sin level now?
- (10 pts.) Stan is one of them Salt Lake City Mormons. He ain't
so damn smug now, is he?
(10 pts) 25 grams of wafers and 20 ml of cheap wine
undergo transubstantiation and become the flesh and blood of our
Hand in exam when done, and may God have mercy on your work.
How many Joules of heat are released by the transformation?
[Note - reportedly written by Jeff Vogel -